Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
