You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
