Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
