I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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