Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Two words: nipple clamps
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