my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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