I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This house was built for laser tag.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
