The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
