some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
