Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
