Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
