someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
