i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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