My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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