I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
