i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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