Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
