don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
