You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just found puke in my bra..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
