I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
