ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
