Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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