I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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