dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
