thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize