I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
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We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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