I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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