I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
