I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
