shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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