We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
