listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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