dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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