You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize