she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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