so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
