it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
