i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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