Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
