You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
