oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
