You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
