Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
