I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
