Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
