I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.