Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
