im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
