Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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