Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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