it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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