i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
