I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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