I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
