I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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