I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
