Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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