Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
did i just pee glitter
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
