A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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