I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
