he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
