he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
