actually, I'm a sock model
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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