i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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