sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
