Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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