I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
