And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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