Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
