Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
