wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
