They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
