just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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