Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
